The entire week went like … dunno… horrible… fighting with myself… fighting with anger on the world, helplessness, sadness, grief…

I wanted to go to Bockmattli, just hike and possibly reverse the descent route from Grosse Turm. I knew that all the paperwork will take some time and that I most probably won’t be able to go to Masha’s funeral anyway. I wanted to say symbolic “goodbye”.

Tom agreed to join me on the trip. Later that week I met with Dasha. Masha’s close friend from St Petersburg. She joined us. After picking up Dasha and on the way to Tom’s I drove through red light. I was committed to pay whatever they asked. I should not have been driving that day (the ticket came it was 250chf, I feel like 150chf saved). Than after picking up Tom I backed up into a pole, and gave the wheel to Tom.

The day was really cloudy. On the approach we have seen almost none of the Nord Wand. When we got to the Bockmattli summit we got the Broken Spectre. It was quite an amazing moment. For some people it happens often, for me it was second time I saw it, and also just lining up with Grosse Turm.

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After spending a moment on the summit we went to see how approachable is the Grosse Turm. It was fine. We climbed slowely, being over protective. I lead the way, we got Dasha in the middle and Tom finished the team. Took us forever but all of us felt save and we said if someone does want to turn back, he/she should speak up.

I wanted also to see the place again. Fortunately I did not go there for answers cause I came with more doubts and questions and less understanding. I took a few photos and video of the place for Greg.

We spend some time at the summit, contemplating, writing in the Gipfelbuch.

The way back was equally slow and safe. It was good to go there, extremely hard but in a way necessary for me to start the long path to recovery.

Dasha is another incredible Russian woman.

Thanks also to Tom for being there with us (wasn’t easy for him either).



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